“Worrying is carrying tomorrow's load with today's strength- carrying
two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying
doesn't empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”
―
Corrie ten Boom
Lets get personal. Most the time I post my every day SAHM stuff. But this blog is to also address Anxiety and the every day struggles that unless you can handle the fact that someone has it worse or have it yourself...can really understand..Hopefully this blog clears the path for understanding us odd balls and I say that with respect.
I do not take pills for my anxiety...Yup my life would be much smoother I'm assuming then again I have seen pills do sad things to people...but either way I do not take them because I want to fight this battle on my own...
Fight it on your own? Your losing you dim-wit.. Yea I am but damnit I want to tell my kids one day that I did it and I did it with basic to no help. Right now I realize I am failing horribly. I don't even pick up the phone if I do not know the #...but I talk to strangers so I'm making head way here.
Anxiety is a feeling that you have all the time...so if I take those pills and I get to become feeling human what happens when those pills are not refilled or stop working or any other negative thing that would probably happen because I have bad luck.
Lately with the shooting,my anxiety is a bit higher. More so at night...The day is a little rough sometimes. My mind is picturing bad things and getting nervous at every car sound and every person walking by. I do have my dog which helps a lot!! I had a dog when I was a teen and more of the anxiety was showing its ugly face and I know for a fact that she helped tremendously with it. My heart also knows what teachers are feeling...I live with anxiety it never goes away there might be a moment where Im okay..Im calm..Im in a positive place but for the most part nothing is simple for me. Getting in the car to go meet someone to do a online sale is not easy as getting into a car and going and meeting them...So I know what the teachers are feeling as they enter their classrooms and every movement outside the window is now being used in our imagination as a reason to be nervous. Your stomach feels like it has 300lb weights inside every time you hear a noise.. You now have a different gut feeling as you get your plan ready for the week your mind wanders to bad thoughts and what happened at NewTown CT. Your mind is excited but then doubtful....You start to deep think things..You think of how you are so much more then a teacher...You deep think everything you have gone over in your school about horrific incidents and what to do if they happen...You find yourself in a different mind set then normal. For most people that will go away the fear will not but the fast pace of negative and deep thinking will go away. The nerve system and everything making you jump will slowing go away to the normalcy of yourself.
Today I changed my daughters room around because I felt like if anyone came around the slight bend in the road they would hit where she sleeps so I moved her bed to the other wall of her room.....Does she know this...No she thinks I needed better access to her windows for photos...I lied to my daughter to cope with my thoughts. This is my life. Welcome. I have blocked off the door to our screened in porch so it makes it harder for a burglar or what not to come through that door...I live in a small town with a small crime rate...I am thankful but my anxiety makes me fearful. My thinking is not always like this, and for the most part my kids have no idea so they do not suffer. I do not want a pity party I want you to stop telling me to get use to life, I want you to stop telling me I don't have anxiety...I want you to stop thinking I want sympathy..because frankly what the hell is sympathy going to do for a person like me? I want you to stop telling me that once I do something it will semm so easy...Easy does not exist in my world.Something are becoming a little more comfortable for me but thats about as far as it goes. I am me and I will get to be where I need to be with time. I write this blog for no other reason then for people to go "Oh" For people to understand. For people to open their minds and hearts a bit more to people with anxiety. Every day anxiety. Any anxiety. I want people to go "thats why she does that,It makes sense now" of course it will never make sense because my mind is a jumbled mess but at-least you will get a little insight now. =)
I have been coping and dealing with this my whole life...Its not like this is all I know blah blah no no no my friend I know the other side and the grass is much greener and I will get there..as a mom I promise myself and my kids that I will get there. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I am thankful for my life and I make the best out of it. When I find things that work I do them...As silly as they are it does not matter. When I go to the park with my kids I take a drink with me because having something in my hands and something to put in front of my face when I get a defensive nervous feeling helps a lot. *Defensive usually results in a stranger that makes me uneasy a rarity but still. A car that drives by slow will cause this feeling...Anything that makes me uneasy.
I will let you wrap your mind around what I just said. Again I love this blog for sharing ideas. I love it for venting but most of all I'm hoping I am teaching or helping someone.
“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems”
―
Epictetus
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Grilled Chicken Sandwhichs
We served ours with potatoes that were grilled as well.
Cut potatoes up into chunks,mix in a bowl with olive oil,dill,garlic powder and onion powder. Put into a foil bag,not sure on the brand. Or just make a bag out of Aluminum foil yourself,which I do 98& of the time. Place on grill,takes about 30mins.
Rainy days
Once again my addiction to pinterest is showing its colors.
Here is a project I did with the kids.
<---Those are from pinterest,its the photo from there. Now Its Ditalini Pasta, 2TBSP rubbing alcohol and 2-3 dabs of food coloring to 1 cup of pasta. You mix,and then let dry on wax paper on a cookie sheet or something. Totally up too you. I let my dry over night. We did only two colors Green and red but some came out a bit tie dyed from the two colors merging on the sheet.
Then I took some string,yarn would work too. You need it to be bigger type string so you can tie knot as otherwise the pasta will slide down. Well I should have took one piece of pasta and tied it at the end but instead I tied a ribbon on the ends. Then I had the kids string them.
And over there---> is the final product...Not super cute but at-least I thought of the idea...As we know I am not crafty!! You could do them cute for the tree or make bracelets...my kids would eat them so I knew that was out...haha. Many things to do with these colored pasta.
Here is a project I did with the kids.
Then I took some string,yarn would work too. You need it to be bigger type string so you can tie knot as otherwise the pasta will slide down. Well I should have took one piece of pasta and tied it at the end but instead I tied a ribbon on the ends. Then I had the kids string them.
And over there---> is the final product...Not super cute but at-least I thought of the idea...As we know I am not crafty!! You could do them cute for the tree or make bracelets...my kids would eat them so I knew that was out...haha. Many things to do with these colored pasta.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Pinterest Ideas
Thats this weeks picks. People are so talented!!!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Monday Blues
** Anxiety is not doing so hot today. It hasnt been for weeks. I'm hoping after January..possibly if more stress does not fall apon me...my anxiety may relax...or I should stop watch Panic 911 on A&E...my favorite or right up there station.
So I was thinking about people who have your basic or mild anxiety and a way to explain to them the difference would be your anxiety is scary frustrating and normal. Some even can cure theirs. Mine is Scary frustrating irritating degrading and abnormal. I thought of the perfect way to say it...but forgot it... I take pity on anyone with it. Basic mild,worse case...etc it all deserves a type of attention. They all work in different ways. But enough about anxiety untill I can get the right words out to express lately how its been haunting me and explain the difference between the different levels of anxiety.
I did two projects today. One that was me alone and one with the kids.
1. When my kids were younger...ok ok just recently they ruined a book but not all of it. So I decided to take some of the illustrations from it and put them into frames and frame them in the kids rooms. Super cute.
2. Cotton ball snowmen! (Pics will come) I did a twist on it. I let them dip there cotton balls in paint. You could also have paint brushes and let them paint them. I tied ribbon to the paper (cardboard works better) but its what we had,to hand them up. A nice green. Makes the white pop more.
What you need:
Cotton balls
Kid friendly(house friendly) paint
Construction paper,cardboard or anything to glue your cotton balls on to make the snow man
Sharpie marker (for the face)
Black construction paper or felt for the top hat.
Paint brushes if you want to paint the cotton balls (We dabbed them)
Paper plates for the paint.
Ribbon
Scissors.
Glue
And dinner tonight....
"Nikki's Creamy Crock pot Potato soup" From Allrecipes.com
Original recipe makes 6 servings Change Servings
So I was thinking about people who have your basic or mild anxiety and a way to explain to them the difference would be your anxiety is scary frustrating and normal. Some even can cure theirs. Mine is Scary frustrating irritating degrading and abnormal. I thought of the perfect way to say it...but forgot it... I take pity on anyone with it. Basic mild,worse case...etc it all deserves a type of attention. They all work in different ways. But enough about anxiety untill I can get the right words out to express lately how its been haunting me and explain the difference between the different levels of anxiety.
I did two projects today. One that was me alone and one with the kids.
1. When my kids were younger...ok ok just recently they ruined a book but not all of it. So I decided to take some of the illustrations from it and put them into frames and frame them in the kids rooms. Super cute.
2. Cotton ball snowmen! (Pics will come) I did a twist on it. I let them dip there cotton balls in paint. You could also have paint brushes and let them paint them. I tied ribbon to the paper (cardboard works better) but its what we had,to hand them up. A nice green. Makes the white pop more.
What you need:
Cotton balls
Kid friendly(house friendly) paint
Construction paper,cardboard or anything to glue your cotton balls on to make the snow man
Sharpie marker (for the face)
Black construction paper or felt for the top hat.
Paint brushes if you want to paint the cotton balls (We dabbed them)
Paper plates for the paint.
Ribbon
Scissors.
Glue
And dinner tonight....
"Nikki's Creamy Crock pot Potato soup" From Allrecipes.com
Original recipe makes 6 servings Change Servings
Directions
- Preheat a large slow cooker by turning it to the High setting and covering with the lid.
- Place the cut-up potatoes in a microwave safe bowl, and microwave on High for about 8 minutes, until the potatoes are cooked and steaming hot.
- While the potatoes are cooking, place the butter in the preheated slow cooker, and cook and stir the onions and garlic for about 5 minutes, until the onions turn golden. Stir in 1/2 cup of milk, and whisk in the flour until smooth. Gradually whisk in the remaining 3 cups of milk, and let the mixture come to a simmer in the slow cooker. Simmer for about 10 minutes, until the soup begins to thicken.
- Stir in the hot cooked potatoes, crumbled bacon, sour cream, Cheddar cheese, Parmesan cheese, seasoned salt, parsley, red pepper flakes, celery salt, and dried basil. Stir to mix the soup well, reduce the slow cooker setting to Low, cover, and cook for 3 hours, stirring occasionally. Sprinkle with chives and serve.
Friday, December 7, 2012
A day late and a dollar short
I was slightly busy yesterday. Not to mention with all the things happening on the news and stuff my anxiety is sky rocketed.
BUT today I bring you a few ideas I love that were found on pinterest. THESE ARE NOT MY IDEAS they are someone elses. I just have fallen in love with them.
First up is actually what I am doing to my bathroom...or trying if I could find the right basket or object I would like to hang up....
I do have a small bathroom so this will work so well. I'm excited to finish the project. Of course there will be before and after shots!
This is a wonderful recycle or even just unique idea! Not sure I could make it look as good as they have. I am not crafty at all!
Cheese graters as lights! Gorgeous. Such a neat idea.
This idea is really fun and I bet the whole family could get into it. I never thought of doing this.
Got only pieces of furniture that are useable or good? Then TA DA!!!! So creative.
And last is this awesome idea. I am not a 100% sure my kids would not smash it...but its super cute and something you could do as a recycle project!
If any of thse projects,you want to do. Add me on pinterest. http://pinterest.com/thisisjustafaze/
That way you can see what I see and get the full scoop on how to accomplish these awesome ideas!
BUT today I bring you a few ideas I love that were found on pinterest. THESE ARE NOT MY IDEAS they are someone elses. I just have fallen in love with them.
First up is actually what I am doing to my bathroom...or trying if I could find the right basket or object I would like to hang up....
This is a wonderful recycle or even just unique idea! Not sure I could make it look as good as they have. I am not crafty at all!
This idea is really fun and I bet the whole family could get into it. I never thought of doing this.
And last is this awesome idea. I am not a 100% sure my kids would not smash it...but its super cute and something you could do as a recycle project!
If any of thse projects,you want to do. Add me on pinterest. http://pinterest.com/thisisjustafaze/
That way you can see what I see and get the full scoop on how to accomplish these awesome ideas!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Crock pot dinner!
Tonights dinner is Cube steak and Veggies. There is two ways I make this but tonights is this way:
Peel and cut potatoes and carrots throw into crock-pot with a jar of beef gravy,a little salt,pepper and garlic powder. Top the cube-steak on top then pour some Winchester sauce over the meat. Little Salt and pepper. Keep on high for about 4 hrs then if its not dinner yet just switch to low.
The other way is just all gravy baby with the cube steak and veggies. Its a working mans dinner lol..or lady... =D
If you want to have it in by the time you go to work in the morning then just keep on low and it will be done by 5pm. Serve with biscuits and a simple meal is complete.
Peel and cut potatoes and carrots throw into crock-pot with a jar of beef gravy,a little salt,pepper and garlic powder. Top the cube-steak on top then pour some Winchester sauce over the meat. Little Salt and pepper. Keep on high for about 4 hrs then if its not dinner yet just switch to low.
The other way is just all gravy baby with the cube steak and veggies. Its a working mans dinner lol..or lady... =D
If you want to have it in by the time you go to work in the morning then just keep on low and it will be done by 5pm. Serve with biscuits and a simple meal is complete.
Wise Words
My grandma use to say "A lazy man makes more pain". I couldn't agree more.
Lets face it I am a cleanaholic that no matter what still does not have a show case house because people actual unravel their lives here. Which is what parents should allow. I know a few people who insist that cleaning interferes with spending time with their kids and letting kids be kids. At the end of the day they are right. Except I do both. Or try. I believe if you don't get behind cleaning is not all the bad.
I want to show you that you can clean in 30mins or less. I want to show you that doing 70000 loads of laundry in one day is silly and thats where your spending time on something silly instead of with your spouse or kids. Tips,Tricks and being one with cleaning. =D
First of all its easier if you can make a cleaning schedule, Then you only have 2-3 things to do a day which is a load easier. But remember this goes along with your normal every day stuff,like washing that wall that your lovely 2 yr old just splattered sauce on..Waiting will make the sauce dry and then you have 5-7 more mins of dealing with that dumb wall instead of sitting down and watching Nick JR which admit you do even if your kids are in bed. Laundry- A load a day, or maybe darks on 3 days and lights on two then on the weekend do the odd load.
Definition of Odd load= Curtains,mat that the cat threw up on,Sheets, Snow suits that went out on the day the sun created mud... ETC.
Anyway, Dust a room a day. Or if you have a small enough place choose a day and do the whole dusting then. Sometimes its hard not to get behind but remember once you get going and your actually putting things where they go and actually accomplishing things,it takes no time!
For me its about staying ahead of the game. I clean the kitchen after breakfast,FB break,chores that I do on that day,Today is Wed. so I dusted living room and vacuumed. I also washed a few walls. I was done in no time and that was with a load of laundry done and hung outside. Tomorrow is darks so I already put the darks from the hamper to the washing machine to save me a little time.
Saving Time- Big help. Carry around what you need so that you are not going back and fourth. Get your vacuum out,get your ceiling duster out...etc before you even start. Bring along a bucket of water so you can wash what ever mysterious spots you see along your way. An old rag. Your cleaning products. A everything sponge(one you do NOT use on dishes). Those carriers they sell for carrying your cleaning stuff at walmart work great.
Mind Process- Remember you can make it fun. Okay maybe not all the time. But blast some music. Remember once your done your done. Clutter with toys and dinner dishes thats puny stuff compared to your everyday cleaning to make sure you do not get behind and end up living like a hobbit. =)
Ditch the Old Clothes or revamp them- So many people clean in ugly sweats or ugly clothes....why? Cleaning does not need to be something like an old maid. Put that tight fitting tank top on with your short shorts and clean. Okay might not work for everyone but jeans and a t shirt with a bandana can look good too. Make yourself feel good because what your doing obviously no one else would do in the house or it would have been done already so you deserve to feel attractive and motivated while doing it!
Basics- Some days the basics are enough. A few tips to get your house to seem spotless. Great for busy days or days where everyone is home so its like shoveling snow in a snow storm.
Toilet clean? Check. Floor swept? Check. Counters washed down? Check. Things picked up(no clutter)? Check. Dishes done and out of sight? Check. No clothing in sight? Check. Tv free of hand prints? Check. First room you walk into,mess free? Check. Mine is my kitchen so that is always clean. Stove is clean. Sink is clean etc.
The Lysol wipes or any type of disinfecting wipe is really a huge time saver. Go around wipe down your handles on doors,fridge,cupboards etc. Take them and wipe that layer of dust off your desk. Great for pictures in frames,the glass gets dusty even if we can't see it.
Pick a day for odd jobs. Nothing too hard. But Swiffer under your couch or the cupbard that needs a screw. Maybe the kids rooms need a bit more attention.
Things should always have a time frame as well. My sheets get done every 2 weeks. My curtains sometimes don't until spring cleaning but eh we are not all perfect lol. Dust the cieling corners once a month. Wipe down your washing machine once a week,silly stuff like that takes a few seconds but makes things seem clean and fresh. Also keeping stuff in good clean condition means if you down the road sell it,it looks lovely!
A few things to have that help keep clutter down. Organization is a big part of it all as well. A recycling bin. A craft bin for the kids, so that you can put catalogs or a paper towel tube into. Do not keep everything though. A basket or something creative for the dog toys. Something in the kids rooms to keep toys organized and is easy for them to pick up and put away when done with. A book shelf for books. A place for coats and drying hats and mittens. A basket o bills. (A cute basket that your bills go into when you get them). Does not have to be a basket but you get what I mean. I know how desks tend to look!
Making a few small rules will help too. I have learned that from living in two places since having kids. One place looked like crap when we moved and then this one started going that direction till I put my foot down. 4 simple rules that will NOT make you the bad no fun parent.
1) No eating in any room but kitchen.
2)Drinks if spilled get cleaned up right away.
3) Everyone has a chore or two.
4)No dystruction to the house! My kids sadly have wrote on enough walls and damaged enough walls to make me want to scream!!! Hopefully that has changed.
A little discipline for yourself never hurt too. We already ignore our diet so lets not ignore our pride and joy place of living either.
PUT THE LAUNDRY AWAY WHEN ITS DONE! Sorry I had to yell that. I see all the time how people re wash clothes because they got stepped on or no one knows if they are clean!
Do not let your kids change outfits 600 times a day and tell you the clothes are dirty. I think I did this as a kid. Sorry mom.
Go through your mail,have it orginized. Bills go on desk. Crap goes into recycling. Catalogs that we can't afford anything in them go into the craft bin for a rainy or snowy day.
The things that gather food and a pure mess...Keep clean. Stoves,Microwaves and counters. A sponge and soap does the trick so its not that hard.
You might have your own set of rules depending on how your house works and who has chores and who does not. Or the animals and cleaning their cages and them. Anything like that. Be creative.
Thats about it. I'm sure I'm missing steps and tips but I don't plan on stopping this blog any time soon so just be on the look out. Pinterest Thursday is coming up so look out for this weeks greatest finds on one of the coolest sites!
Lets face it I am a cleanaholic that no matter what still does not have a show case house because people actual unravel their lives here. Which is what parents should allow. I know a few people who insist that cleaning interferes with spending time with their kids and letting kids be kids. At the end of the day they are right. Except I do both. Or try. I believe if you don't get behind cleaning is not all the bad.
I want to show you that you can clean in 30mins or less. I want to show you that doing 70000 loads of laundry in one day is silly and thats where your spending time on something silly instead of with your spouse or kids. Tips,Tricks and being one with cleaning. =D
First of all its easier if you can make a cleaning schedule, Then you only have 2-3 things to do a day which is a load easier. But remember this goes along with your normal every day stuff,like washing that wall that your lovely 2 yr old just splattered sauce on..Waiting will make the sauce dry and then you have 5-7 more mins of dealing with that dumb wall instead of sitting down and watching Nick JR which admit you do even if your kids are in bed. Laundry- A load a day, or maybe darks on 3 days and lights on two then on the weekend do the odd load.
Definition of Odd load= Curtains,mat that the cat threw up on,Sheets, Snow suits that went out on the day the sun created mud... ETC.
Anyway, Dust a room a day. Or if you have a small enough place choose a day and do the whole dusting then. Sometimes its hard not to get behind but remember once you get going and your actually putting things where they go and actually accomplishing things,it takes no time!
For me its about staying ahead of the game. I clean the kitchen after breakfast,FB break,chores that I do on that day,Today is Wed. so I dusted living room and vacuumed. I also washed a few walls. I was done in no time and that was with a load of laundry done and hung outside. Tomorrow is darks so I already put the darks from the hamper to the washing machine to save me a little time.
Saving Time- Big help. Carry around what you need so that you are not going back and fourth. Get your vacuum out,get your ceiling duster out...etc before you even start. Bring along a bucket of water so you can wash what ever mysterious spots you see along your way. An old rag. Your cleaning products. A everything sponge(one you do NOT use on dishes). Those carriers they sell for carrying your cleaning stuff at walmart work great.
Mind Process- Remember you can make it fun. Okay maybe not all the time. But blast some music. Remember once your done your done. Clutter with toys and dinner dishes thats puny stuff compared to your everyday cleaning to make sure you do not get behind and end up living like a hobbit. =)
Ditch the Old Clothes or revamp them- So many people clean in ugly sweats or ugly clothes....why? Cleaning does not need to be something like an old maid. Put that tight fitting tank top on with your short shorts and clean. Okay might not work for everyone but jeans and a t shirt with a bandana can look good too. Make yourself feel good because what your doing obviously no one else would do in the house or it would have been done already so you deserve to feel attractive and motivated while doing it!
Basics- Some days the basics are enough. A few tips to get your house to seem spotless. Great for busy days or days where everyone is home so its like shoveling snow in a snow storm.
Toilet clean? Check. Floor swept? Check. Counters washed down? Check. Things picked up(no clutter)? Check. Dishes done and out of sight? Check. No clothing in sight? Check. Tv free of hand prints? Check. First room you walk into,mess free? Check. Mine is my kitchen so that is always clean. Stove is clean. Sink is clean etc.
The Lysol wipes or any type of disinfecting wipe is really a huge time saver. Go around wipe down your handles on doors,fridge,cupboards etc. Take them and wipe that layer of dust off your desk. Great for pictures in frames,the glass gets dusty even if we can't see it.
Pick a day for odd jobs. Nothing too hard. But Swiffer under your couch or the cupbard that needs a screw. Maybe the kids rooms need a bit more attention.
Things should always have a time frame as well. My sheets get done every 2 weeks. My curtains sometimes don't until spring cleaning but eh we are not all perfect lol. Dust the cieling corners once a month. Wipe down your washing machine once a week,silly stuff like that takes a few seconds but makes things seem clean and fresh. Also keeping stuff in good clean condition means if you down the road sell it,it looks lovely!
A few things to have that help keep clutter down. Organization is a big part of it all as well. A recycling bin. A craft bin for the kids, so that you can put catalogs or a paper towel tube into. Do not keep everything though. A basket or something creative for the dog toys. Something in the kids rooms to keep toys organized and is easy for them to pick up and put away when done with. A book shelf for books. A place for coats and drying hats and mittens. A basket o bills. (A cute basket that your bills go into when you get them). Does not have to be a basket but you get what I mean. I know how desks tend to look!
Making a few small rules will help too. I have learned that from living in two places since having kids. One place looked like crap when we moved and then this one started going that direction till I put my foot down. 4 simple rules that will NOT make you the bad no fun parent.
1) No eating in any room but kitchen.
2)Drinks if spilled get cleaned up right away.
3) Everyone has a chore or two.
4)No dystruction to the house! My kids sadly have wrote on enough walls and damaged enough walls to make me want to scream!!! Hopefully that has changed.
A little discipline for yourself never hurt too. We already ignore our diet so lets not ignore our pride and joy place of living either.
PUT THE LAUNDRY AWAY WHEN ITS DONE! Sorry I had to yell that. I see all the time how people re wash clothes because they got stepped on or no one knows if they are clean!
Do not let your kids change outfits 600 times a day and tell you the clothes are dirty. I think I did this as a kid. Sorry mom.
Go through your mail,have it orginized. Bills go on desk. Crap goes into recycling. Catalogs that we can't afford anything in them go into the craft bin for a rainy or snowy day.
The things that gather food and a pure mess...Keep clean. Stoves,Microwaves and counters. A sponge and soap does the trick so its not that hard.
You might have your own set of rules depending on how your house works and who has chores and who does not. Or the animals and cleaning their cages and them. Anything like that. Be creative.
Thats about it. I'm sure I'm missing steps and tips but I don't plan on stopping this blog any time soon so just be on the look out. Pinterest Thursday is coming up so look out for this weeks greatest finds on one of the coolest sites!
Sunday, December 2, 2012
A little of it all.
Why Hello December!
As a mom its really fun to take projects and do them or change them to fit your family. I also have a slight addiction to pinterest and by slight I mean I check it about 5 times a day. Lol. I like seeing what you can do with stuff. I keep a lot. I recycle a lot and even though I have a good size house its not nearly big enough. I love cooking and I love turning something into something else.
This week I'd like to do a photo shoot with the kids involving Christmas Lights.
I am redoing my bathroom. I am hanging a basket up over my toilet to hold my towels. My bathroom is very small. Pictures to come. I would like to finish the bathroom. Right now its hung up redneck style.
A few things that I would like to accomplish/Figure out.
I want to do something different with our shoes by the door,right now we just have the plastic thing that our shoes sit on. A cubby would be nice.
I would also like to find something to place in front of the door,we can not do anything to close to the door because the door is so close to the ground it just drags everything or gets stuck on rugs and such...This might be a task that will go unaccomplished....
My sons room is not yet complete...I would like to figure out what it is missing. It has toys,bed,table,chair,dresser....I think it might be what his toys go in?? I am not sure. I need to think more.
Where my cat and dog dishs sit...I'm thinking of tiling the wall behind them or getting some place mats and decorating...Also it will keep the splashed water or food bits off my wall.
Things to do this Month sometime.
Paint Kitchen.
Paint my Sons room.
Stressful month only because I do not want January to come. I sadly have a battle of the state in court. My anxiety is killing me slowly each time I think about it. =(
We celebrate winter and new years but do not celebrate Christmas. We are Christians,Yes. But the Holiday was made by man. No where in the bible does it say go into debt,Elf on the shelf,decorate a treed,Santa Claus was made into something that St.Nick was not. The wise-man brought 3 gifts....ETC but I am not here to preach. Christmas is beautiful when done right. I hang lights. I love winter decorations. But that is about as far as it goes. I give my kids gifts all year round so they know it this way. Again I am not here to dance on toes,I just am explaining why you will not see posts about the normal holiday stress. =)
Now off to get a few more things done. Kids bed is at 8. My football game is on now. GO STEELERS! The Week begins where my sweet SO works 10 1/2 hrs a day....oy!
As a mom its really fun to take projects and do them or change them to fit your family. I also have a slight addiction to pinterest and by slight I mean I check it about 5 times a day. Lol. I like seeing what you can do with stuff. I keep a lot. I recycle a lot and even though I have a good size house its not nearly big enough. I love cooking and I love turning something into something else.
This week I'd like to do a photo shoot with the kids involving Christmas Lights.
I am redoing my bathroom. I am hanging a basket up over my toilet to hold my towels. My bathroom is very small. Pictures to come. I would like to finish the bathroom. Right now its hung up redneck style.
A few things that I would like to accomplish/Figure out.
I want to do something different with our shoes by the door,right now we just have the plastic thing that our shoes sit on. A cubby would be nice.
I would also like to find something to place in front of the door,we can not do anything to close to the door because the door is so close to the ground it just drags everything or gets stuck on rugs and such...This might be a task that will go unaccomplished....
My sons room is not yet complete...I would like to figure out what it is missing. It has toys,bed,table,chair,dresser....I think it might be what his toys go in?? I am not sure. I need to think more.
Where my cat and dog dishs sit...I'm thinking of tiling the wall behind them or getting some place mats and decorating...Also it will keep the splashed water or food bits off my wall.
Things to do this Month sometime.
Paint Kitchen.
Paint my Sons room.
Stressful month only because I do not want January to come. I sadly have a battle of the state in court. My anxiety is killing me slowly each time I think about it. =(
We celebrate winter and new years but do not celebrate Christmas. We are Christians,Yes. But the Holiday was made by man. No where in the bible does it say go into debt,Elf on the shelf,decorate a treed,Santa Claus was made into something that St.Nick was not. The wise-man brought 3 gifts....ETC but I am not here to preach. Christmas is beautiful when done right. I hang lights. I love winter decorations. But that is about as far as it goes. I give my kids gifts all year round so they know it this way. Again I am not here to dance on toes,I just am explaining why you will not see posts about the normal holiday stress. =)
Now off to get a few more things done. Kids bed is at 8. My football game is on now. GO STEELERS! The Week begins where my sweet SO works 10 1/2 hrs a day....oy!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Know yourself Wednesday
Take 3 things you love doing and make time for it. Or show the world what you do. If you sew,post some of your finished products on Facebook. Make your mom or sister a home made gift for Christmas. Thanksgiving is around the corner,make some place mats for the table. Be proud!
For me: 1. Photography. 2.Reading. 3.Cooking.
Your identity never leaves you. No matter if its parents who try to change you. No matter if its a spouse. No matter if its friends who try to influence. Do not let anyone take that from you.
Now for me. I know lately that once I am through the rough times, I am beginning to be more myself. I am happy where I am. I worry. I live with a disorder that makes life hell but I am happy.
I am going through a divorce and I have not once shed a tear. I have not feared for my kids, I have not been upset for them...my kids are me....I am tough so are they. I am stongwilled. So are they. They know,about their father and they know things have changed. They are happy. I am proud of myself for not making my ex the enemy no matter how much hes done wrong. I am proud of myself for not harassing him for child support. I am proud that I stuck through it all to be the best mom I can be. I am proud to be me and to make the choices I know is the right ones. I listen to people but in the end I think with my own brain. Common sense.
People forget to think for themselves. They forget how to do research. They forget that times have changed but look at how things were successful back in the day. Etc. The best thing for yourself is to be educated,have common sense,to think for yourself. Do not let a doctor tell you nothing is wrong. Do not let a teacher ignore you about your child. Do not let your gut be ignored. Consider,ponder...but in the end make a decision you feel comfortable with and that is made up by you and only you.
For me: 1. Photography. 2.Reading. 3.Cooking.
Your identity never leaves you. No matter if its parents who try to change you. No matter if its a spouse. No matter if its friends who try to influence. Do not let anyone take that from you.
Now for me. I know lately that once I am through the rough times, I am beginning to be more myself. I am happy where I am. I worry. I live with a disorder that makes life hell but I am happy.
I am going through a divorce and I have not once shed a tear. I have not feared for my kids, I have not been upset for them...my kids are me....I am tough so are they. I am stongwilled. So are they. They know,about their father and they know things have changed. They are happy. I am proud of myself for not making my ex the enemy no matter how much hes done wrong. I am proud of myself for not harassing him for child support. I am proud that I stuck through it all to be the best mom I can be. I am proud to be me and to make the choices I know is the right ones. I listen to people but in the end I think with my own brain. Common sense.
People forget to think for themselves. They forget how to do research. They forget that times have changed but look at how things were successful back in the day. Etc. The best thing for yourself is to be educated,have common sense,to think for yourself. Do not let a doctor tell you nothing is wrong. Do not let a teacher ignore you about your child. Do not let your gut be ignored. Consider,ponder...but in the end make a decision you feel comfortable with and that is made up by you and only you.
Those moments..
You know this moments where you would like to take a wand and zap someone into your shoes and deal with your issues so they will shut up about theirs???
I wish people would accept anxiety as a disorder and that you have to work at it to ever make it. I can help. Ask me. Ask me if I know how your child or how someone you know,maybe even yourself feels and I will sympathetically look at you and understand almost 100%.
Wanted to do a update on my anxiety. Sunday I had a party to go to at my moms and my nerves were so high driving. I actually had a slight melt down. I also get angry with my anxiety and the night before I ended up slamming a dish on the floor...I know that sounds so immature but in my head that would make me feel better. The overwhelming feeling of not being in control of my nerves and thoughts were getting to me. I knew I had nothing to be afraid of or nervous about. I knew god would get me there and home but for days before the actual party; I was just a mess. I felt like I wasnt going to go. I felt like bailing. I wanted someone to drive me. Now for a mom who is with her kids about 23/6 of the time lol...I should have been ADULT TIMEEEEE!!! And part of me was. I was excited to drive alone and have my music as loud as I wanted. But that excitement never out did the nerves. My mom and Aunt actually looked at me after the party and asked if I was okay because I was starting to slightly subject myself and my body to horrible anxiety. I had a hot on fire face,a headache and my hands were shaking. They told me its time for me to leave and they gave me encouraging words as I did. Even in a blog no one will truly get that feeling. Or realize anxiety is NOT for wimps. You have to fight fight fight...
I tried so hard on the way home to relax. I won. Somewhat. I looked at the setting sun..I drove at my pace...I didn't have sweaty palms! These are accomplishments! I told my self my dear sister would be traveling 45-50mins home to my 25-30mins home.
Its nap time, I tend to clean like a maniac to keep my mind in a happy place. I like when the kids are up,feels like someone is here with me. I will be lost when they go to school but my house will be spotless from me cleaning constantly lol. I am a clean a holic anyway. =)
I wish people would accept anxiety as a disorder and that you have to work at it to ever make it. I can help. Ask me. Ask me if I know how your child or how someone you know,maybe even yourself feels and I will sympathetically look at you and understand almost 100%.
Wanted to do a update on my anxiety. Sunday I had a party to go to at my moms and my nerves were so high driving. I actually had a slight melt down. I also get angry with my anxiety and the night before I ended up slamming a dish on the floor...I know that sounds so immature but in my head that would make me feel better. The overwhelming feeling of not being in control of my nerves and thoughts were getting to me. I knew I had nothing to be afraid of or nervous about. I knew god would get me there and home but for days before the actual party; I was just a mess. I felt like I wasnt going to go. I felt like bailing. I wanted someone to drive me. Now for a mom who is with her kids about 23/6 of the time lol...I should have been ADULT TIMEEEEE!!! And part of me was. I was excited to drive alone and have my music as loud as I wanted. But that excitement never out did the nerves. My mom and Aunt actually looked at me after the party and asked if I was okay because I was starting to slightly subject myself and my body to horrible anxiety. I had a hot on fire face,a headache and my hands were shaking. They told me its time for me to leave and they gave me encouraging words as I did. Even in a blog no one will truly get that feeling. Or realize anxiety is NOT for wimps. You have to fight fight fight...
I tried so hard on the way home to relax. I won. Somewhat. I looked at the setting sun..I drove at my pace...I didn't have sweaty palms! These are accomplishments! I told my self my dear sister would be traveling 45-50mins home to my 25-30mins home.
Its nap time, I tend to clean like a maniac to keep my mind in a happy place. I like when the kids are up,feels like someone is here with me. I will be lost when they go to school but my house will be spotless from me cleaning constantly lol. I am a clean a holic anyway. =)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Thursday Quotes
Nothing
great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I
cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give
you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please
everybody.
Herbert Bayard Swope
Herbert Bayard Swope
Success
is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and
day out.
Robert Collier
Robert Collier
The
greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually
be afraid you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard
Elbert Hubbard
Disappointments
are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air.
Johann C. F. von Schiller
Johann C. F. von Schiller
Mama Time
I talk so much about my daily life with anxiety..but I also love telling people my mama tricks.
I am a mom to a 4 yr old boy who has some speech issues but is smart as a whip and a 3 yr old girl who has an attitude like her mama....which is a very bad thing. =) They are 1 yr and 42 mins apart. They fight like nothing I have ever seen before...They torture their toys...they are outside always type kids and they are the type of kids that want to do what the adult does. Did I mention I am home alone with these two for 101/2 hrs a day? Lol. Soon I won't be and I will miss them dearly while they are at school!
So my biggest struggle is with my son. He refuses to clean up after what he messes up.
I have done a couple of things to help him understand. First thing was at Wal-mart I saw they had treasure chest like totes. As shown above. I made it a "I found the treasure now you need to earn it back". Inside is any toy he or his sister leave behind and do not clean up.
Second one is attempting to have him witness things. Like I clean up from dinner every night, Getting him to see that I am not having someone else do it but I do have some help (from my Boyfriend) and its okay to take your time as long as it gets done. I try to show what I teach. Everyone has to clean up.
Having them so close in age is a blessing in many ways but at the same time they are teaching each other and I am trying to guide and teach them both at the same time without the other interfering. My son wants my daughter to do something he knows is wrong, my daughter wants to scream like a howler monkey which leads my son to try the "No no nothing mama" when I ask them what they are up too...So then I need to stop her from acting like shes dying when shes not and him to stop cornering her and asking her to do stuff that is wrong...like taking out all my dvds from the cabinet or something.
We also have the oh so famous BLAME GAME! I'm still working on neat little mama tricks to make this come to a slight halt. I know they will do it most their life,but there should be a limit. =)
I am a mom to a 4 yr old boy who has some speech issues but is smart as a whip and a 3 yr old girl who has an attitude like her mama....which is a very bad thing. =) They are 1 yr and 42 mins apart. They fight like nothing I have ever seen before...They torture their toys...they are outside always type kids and they are the type of kids that want to do what the adult does. Did I mention I am home alone with these two for 101/2 hrs a day? Lol. Soon I won't be and I will miss them dearly while they are at school!
So my biggest struggle is with my son. He refuses to clean up after what he messes up.
Second one is attempting to have him witness things. Like I clean up from dinner every night, Getting him to see that I am not having someone else do it but I do have some help (from my Boyfriend) and its okay to take your time as long as it gets done. I try to show what I teach. Everyone has to clean up.
Having them so close in age is a blessing in many ways but at the same time they are teaching each other and I am trying to guide and teach them both at the same time without the other interfering. My son wants my daughter to do something he knows is wrong, my daughter wants to scream like a howler monkey which leads my son to try the "No no nothing mama" when I ask them what they are up too...So then I need to stop her from acting like shes dying when shes not and him to stop cornering her and asking her to do stuff that is wrong...like taking out all my dvds from the cabinet or something.
We also have the oh so famous BLAME GAME! I'm still working on neat little mama tricks to make this come to a slight halt. I know they will do it most their life,but there should be a limit. =)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Thursday Quotes
"Positive thinking leads to positive outcomes"
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” - Milton Berle
”You must be the change you want to see in the world.” - M.K. Gandhi
”The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” - Chinese Proverb
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - Abraham Lincoln
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” - Milton Berle
”You must be the change you want to see in the world.” - M.K. Gandhi
”The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” - Chinese Proverb
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - Abraham Lincoln
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain
The
best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
Robert Frost
Ducks in a row even if its crooked
Today's post I feel like hitting a few random points. I feel like just jumping here and jumping there. Hope you understand. =)
My anxiety is complex, One moment its the unknown,the second its confidence, then other moments its the creepy people that you all of a sudden ask yourself if you are going to be the next person on the 11 news as murdered... And then there's the plain nerves fried like a computer type feelings where you have no idea what happened why or how to fix the darn thing...in this case I am that thing....!
Its not all anxiety I know that. I have had some bouts with depression...not bad but they have happened. I know its the misunderstanding I deal with that sometimes just makes me not leave the house.
I love having everything figured out. All my ducks lined up and ready to go even if there is a few slightly out of place that is better then not having any in line,no idea how to get them in line or where to even start. Not knowing where to start is a feeling of failure and just utter anxiety. Utter nerves run through you because you start to question it all.
Biggest thing for me is unknown. I hate not knowing who to call in a situation or what to do...and I have definitely been sheltered. Spoiled. Lived a easy life for the most part. Anxiety has made it beyond difficult but I never went through stuff a lot of kids do or have. I never saw divorce, I never lived in city or even in town...always back road country...My parents don't swear, they never fought or if they did it wasn't a hurtful end of the world type fight...They didn't have large parties or large get together's often or at all. Family was never really all that close. I was a only child AT home. I do have a older sister. <3 We didn't go to sports games or concerts. My yard was not a spot for my dads extra cars or anything. Things were simple...too simple.
I know in my heart I always had Anxiety because I remember I needed a tutor I guess you could call it before I went into Kindergarten....I didn't need him/her....I just never was confident enough. I still to this day do not understand things well,learning is very hard for me but you cloud that with nerves and I am like a Popsicle in nice clothing....
I photograph things. Yes. I feel empowered when I am behind a camera. I feel amazing. Problem? Oh of course because thats my life. I get nervous driving so setting up photo shoots is difficult. I am nervous about making phone calls...I am nervous about a lot that is holding me back from just taking my business to the top. That kills me.
It is all so hard to explain. Its hard to put your shoes into someone else's I know that. But how can you even try if you think the stuff most people do? "Just nerves" "Its in your head" "Oh just stop" YEA okay...I'll just stop and while I do that why don't you go out and stop with your finger a big rig going 60mph...deal?
Some days its not a people day for me. My house and my animals are my life. Kids first but soon they won't be here to balance me out. School will be starting,NERVES are on fire thinking about that...
My biggest thing is watching people. I watch them do things with ease. My neighbor getting into her car and driving away. My amazing boyfriend talking to random people. My sister being beyond social. My friend going out to a restaurant alone. Those things either don't happen in my life or I don't do them with such ease as others. I can't just decide at 1pm to go visit my parents with the kids, they are 30 mins away on back roads....I have no cell phone, I think about the amount of traffic,if my truck will break down, if there will be construction..blah blah blah! I have never gone out anywhere alone...Yea.... I am working on things slowly. Like I said worst part is once I do it once....it does not get easier the 2nd time or the 3000th time....Where most people are this is routine or this was easy last time or what ever the case be. Each time for me-I am a basket case lol.
Support is a bigggg one. When I had more close friends it was so easy for me because I felt like mother hen. When I feel like that or boss or anything like that I can do a lot more then normal. Also a little key piece about me I use to weight lift and that helped my anxiety sooo much because I knew if anything went down I was gonna take charge and more then likely win! I have broken up my share of fights, I have stood up to a bipolar ex husband, I can lift heavy items like a champ...but slowly I'm loosing my touch and I know that has a lot to do with it. I know also the years I stopped driving almost to a point of not driving at all...really messed my confidence up with it.
With mental issues you need to find what helps. Its like that with most stuff in life. What helps you lose weight or what helps keep your temper in check or what helps you at work.
I have a long road. I have had a even longer road to where I am now. I have had good moments before I became a mom and realized I am the only one who can truly protect my children,so that has my anxiety right BAM there all the time. I also know I can do it and I can start my shedding light on this issue so many people deal with some on a lower level others on a higher level.
I don't take drugs, I don't do counseling. A post will be next explaining my thoughts on both topics. Its not as negative or excuse ridden as your probably expecting. =D
My anxiety is complex, One moment its the unknown,the second its confidence, then other moments its the creepy people that you all of a sudden ask yourself if you are going to be the next person on the 11 news as murdered... And then there's the plain nerves fried like a computer type feelings where you have no idea what happened why or how to fix the darn thing...in this case I am that thing....!
Its not all anxiety I know that. I have had some bouts with depression...not bad but they have happened. I know its the misunderstanding I deal with that sometimes just makes me not leave the house.
I love having everything figured out. All my ducks lined up and ready to go even if there is a few slightly out of place that is better then not having any in line,no idea how to get them in line or where to even start. Not knowing where to start is a feeling of failure and just utter anxiety. Utter nerves run through you because you start to question it all.
Biggest thing for me is unknown. I hate not knowing who to call in a situation or what to do...and I have definitely been sheltered. Spoiled. Lived a easy life for the most part. Anxiety has made it beyond difficult but I never went through stuff a lot of kids do or have. I never saw divorce, I never lived in city or even in town...always back road country...My parents don't swear, they never fought or if they did it wasn't a hurtful end of the world type fight...They didn't have large parties or large get together's often or at all. Family was never really all that close. I was a only child AT home. I do have a older sister. <3 We didn't go to sports games or concerts. My yard was not a spot for my dads extra cars or anything. Things were simple...too simple.
I know in my heart I always had Anxiety because I remember I needed a tutor I guess you could call it before I went into Kindergarten....I didn't need him/her....I just never was confident enough. I still to this day do not understand things well,learning is very hard for me but you cloud that with nerves and I am like a Popsicle in nice clothing....
I photograph things. Yes. I feel empowered when I am behind a camera. I feel amazing. Problem? Oh of course because thats my life. I get nervous driving so setting up photo shoots is difficult. I am nervous about making phone calls...I am nervous about a lot that is holding me back from just taking my business to the top. That kills me.
It is all so hard to explain. Its hard to put your shoes into someone else's I know that. But how can you even try if you think the stuff most people do? "Just nerves" "Its in your head" "Oh just stop" YEA okay...I'll just stop and while I do that why don't you go out and stop with your finger a big rig going 60mph...deal?
Some days its not a people day for me. My house and my animals are my life. Kids first but soon they won't be here to balance me out. School will be starting,NERVES are on fire thinking about that...
My biggest thing is watching people. I watch them do things with ease. My neighbor getting into her car and driving away. My amazing boyfriend talking to random people. My sister being beyond social. My friend going out to a restaurant alone. Those things either don't happen in my life or I don't do them with such ease as others. I can't just decide at 1pm to go visit my parents with the kids, they are 30 mins away on back roads....I have no cell phone, I think about the amount of traffic,if my truck will break down, if there will be construction..blah blah blah! I have never gone out anywhere alone...Yea.... I am working on things slowly. Like I said worst part is once I do it once....it does not get easier the 2nd time or the 3000th time....Where most people are this is routine or this was easy last time or what ever the case be. Each time for me-I am a basket case lol.
Support is a bigggg one. When I had more close friends it was so easy for me because I felt like mother hen. When I feel like that or boss or anything like that I can do a lot more then normal. Also a little key piece about me I use to weight lift and that helped my anxiety sooo much because I knew if anything went down I was gonna take charge and more then likely win! I have broken up my share of fights, I have stood up to a bipolar ex husband, I can lift heavy items like a champ...but slowly I'm loosing my touch and I know that has a lot to do with it. I know also the years I stopped driving almost to a point of not driving at all...really messed my confidence up with it.
With mental issues you need to find what helps. Its like that with most stuff in life. What helps you lose weight or what helps keep your temper in check or what helps you at work.
I have a long road. I have had a even longer road to where I am now. I have had good moments before I became a mom and realized I am the only one who can truly protect my children,so that has my anxiety right BAM there all the time. I also know I can do it and I can start my shedding light on this issue so many people deal with some on a lower level others on a higher level.
I don't take drugs, I don't do counseling. A post will be next explaining my thoughts on both topics. Its not as negative or excuse ridden as your probably expecting. =D
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
On overload
For most people life is life. Day to day is nothing more then a good day or a bad day.
In my head it goes deeper. I will never be that mom that slides across the floor in my socks dancing to Michael Jackson the way I want to be....Instead I'm constantly distracting myself from worries,anxiety,negative thoughts,nerves,high heart rate....
Majority of the time for people its the first step that gets their nerves a bit rattled. For me its every step.
Get your kid in pre school..after the first few days he stops crying so you stop worrying...For me its the nervousness of what the day will have in store for me...my thoughts go like this "No better pick on them" "Is there parking?" "What happens if there is no school" "I hope I packed what they need today?" and while they are there... "What time should I leave?" "Is it time yet...no ok.." "Is it time..no.." my nerves get really bad the closer it is for time to pick them up because I am nervous about parking,I am nervous about all the people,I am nervous about driving,I am nervous that my child will tell me something that another kid did to them and I will loose my mommy cool....etc etc. All that I just wrote is the basic outline of my thinking but there is more that because I am not dealing with that certain situation at the moment I can't explain everything. Its very hard to enjoy life when your constantly thinking about stuff that you have to do and how it could go wrong or how nerve wracking it is...or the negative things.. For me I also don't understand things well,I doubt myself along with it and you have someone who is like a deer in headlights sometimes. Something new is harder for me if I do not understand and if I am anxious it becomes mind blackening for me...What does that mean you are probably wondering? Mind blackening is when I know something but I forget.... Thats why a job is hard for me. I could be trained but with my anxiety my mind goes blank,I forget what I know or if I start to get it-I doubt myself so much it clouds my brain even more. I admire people who get a job that are deaf...that struggle with other types of issues because that is who I hope to be some day but when you have just anxiety you are not understood as well. Let me explain before you go thinking I want a pity party. If a person has say Down Syndrome but is working as a bagger at your local grocery store. You understand why they accidentally put your bread on the bottom of a bag or why they forgot to load in the last bag {Please remember this is a example not a put down of syndromes or of people of any type}... I look normal...I seem normal...I don't always act it. Its like a child with ADHD. They look normal but their actions do not always make sense. Not everyone can tell a child has ADHD. Same goes for me,no one will say "Ohhh she has severe anxiety and must have been over the top anxious with how fast the cashier was going and bagged the bags wrong"..... Get it?
I will slowly as best as I can explain to you everything people should know about people with Anxiety. This is my type not everyone has it severe or at all. Some people have a different type. This is my story. =)
In my head it goes deeper. I will never be that mom that slides across the floor in my socks dancing to Michael Jackson the way I want to be....Instead I'm constantly distracting myself from worries,anxiety,negative thoughts,nerves,high heart rate....
Majority of the time for people its the first step that gets their nerves a bit rattled. For me its every step.
Get your kid in pre school..after the first few days he stops crying so you stop worrying...For me its the nervousness of what the day will have in store for me...my thoughts go like this "No better pick on them" "Is there parking?" "What happens if there is no school" "I hope I packed what they need today?" and while they are there... "What time should I leave?" "Is it time yet...no ok.." "Is it time..no.." my nerves get really bad the closer it is for time to pick them up because I am nervous about parking,I am nervous about all the people,I am nervous about driving,I am nervous that my child will tell me something that another kid did to them and I will loose my mommy cool....etc etc. All that I just wrote is the basic outline of my thinking but there is more that because I am not dealing with that certain situation at the moment I can't explain everything. Its very hard to enjoy life when your constantly thinking about stuff that you have to do and how it could go wrong or how nerve wracking it is...or the negative things.. For me I also don't understand things well,I doubt myself along with it and you have someone who is like a deer in headlights sometimes. Something new is harder for me if I do not understand and if I am anxious it becomes mind blackening for me...What does that mean you are probably wondering? Mind blackening is when I know something but I forget.... Thats why a job is hard for me. I could be trained but with my anxiety my mind goes blank,I forget what I know or if I start to get it-I doubt myself so much it clouds my brain even more. I admire people who get a job that are deaf...that struggle with other types of issues because that is who I hope to be some day but when you have just anxiety you are not understood as well. Let me explain before you go thinking I want a pity party. If a person has say Down Syndrome but is working as a bagger at your local grocery store. You understand why they accidentally put your bread on the bottom of a bag or why they forgot to load in the last bag {Please remember this is a example not a put down of syndromes or of people of any type}... I look normal...I seem normal...I don't always act it. Its like a child with ADHD. They look normal but their actions do not always make sense. Not everyone can tell a child has ADHD. Same goes for me,no one will say "Ohhh she has severe anxiety and must have been over the top anxious with how fast the cashier was going and bagged the bags wrong"..... Get it?
Who I am
I am a stay at home mom of two kids who are a year and 42 mins apart to the day!
I am a die hard Steelers Fan. Football Fan all around!
I am a girlfriend to an amazing man.
I am a pet owner.
I am 20lbs overweight.
I am a book worm.
I am a Photographer.
I am a Sister.
I am a Daughter.
I am a Aunt.
I am a Niece.
I am a Pittbull owner (Shes only half but it counts!)
I am a Freebie Hunter.
I am Divorced.
I am a Cleanaholic.
I am a too honest for most people chick.
I am a cook.
I am a Chainsaw,gun,truck loving female.
I am a Ford Owner.
I am a Vermonter.
I am a Christian.
I am a Hard Worker.
I am a devoted.
I am a Child at heart.
I am a Recycle freak.
I am a Psychology loving person.
I am a hard ass.
I am Me.
I am Hillary but take on a persona to help fight my fears.
My name is Raven and I suffer from Severe Anxiety and this is my journey with it. This is my story. This is my life. This is so much more then your average blog. Learn something,Come and join while I prove the world wrong with what people think about Anxiety and what Anxiety really is about.
The nick name Raven I have had for going on 11 years. It helps me deal with so much more then people realize. As Raven I feel more powerful and when I do I can shut my anxiety down...for the most part. Sadly its never that easy but it helps and the name came from my dear friend who I miss dearly. She lives states away from me now.
I can not explain to a T what my body feels when anxiety strikes but I am dying to explain how my mind works. So many people think its a simple thing to cure and sometimes it is because there is millions of types of anxiety and some are just a shyness or nerves. Mine is a full blown anxiety. Is mine as bad as others no but in my day to day life I have met no one who has it like I do. I have met a lot of people who have said to me "I never understood anxiety" Or "I never realized how severe it is" .
I don't get disability,I don't live off the state so I am not out for a pity party.
For so many years though my anxiety has put a damper on my relationships with people...it has put a damper on me finding me.
Hopefully with this blog that will end.
I am a die hard Steelers Fan. Football Fan all around!
I am a girlfriend to an amazing man.
I am a pet owner.
I am 20lbs overweight.
I am a book worm.
I am a Photographer.
I am a Sister.
I am a Daughter.
I am a Aunt.
I am a Niece.
I am a Pittbull owner (Shes only half but it counts!)
I am a Freebie Hunter.
I am Divorced.
I am a Cleanaholic.
I am a too honest for most people chick.
I am a cook.
I am a Chainsaw,gun,truck loving female.
I am a Ford Owner.
I am a Vermonter.
I am a Christian.
I am a Hard Worker.
I am a devoted.
I am a Child at heart.
I am a Recycle freak.
I am a Psychology loving person.
I am a hard ass.
I am Me.
I am Hillary but take on a persona to help fight my fears.
My name is Raven and I suffer from Severe Anxiety and this is my journey with it. This is my story. This is my life. This is so much more then your average blog. Learn something,Come and join while I prove the world wrong with what people think about Anxiety and what Anxiety really is about.
The nick name Raven I have had for going on 11 years. It helps me deal with so much more then people realize. As Raven I feel more powerful and when I do I can shut my anxiety down...for the most part. Sadly its never that easy but it helps and the name came from my dear friend who I miss dearly. She lives states away from me now.
I can not explain to a T what my body feels when anxiety strikes but I am dying to explain how my mind works. So many people think its a simple thing to cure and sometimes it is because there is millions of types of anxiety and some are just a shyness or nerves. Mine is a full blown anxiety. Is mine as bad as others no but in my day to day life I have met no one who has it like I do. I have met a lot of people who have said to me "I never understood anxiety" Or "I never realized how severe it is" .
I don't get disability,I don't live off the state so I am not out for a pity party.
For so many years though my anxiety has put a damper on my relationships with people...it has put a damper on me finding me.
Hopefully with this blog that will end.
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