Take 3 things you love doing and make time for it. Or show the world what you do. If you sew,post some of your finished products on Facebook. Make your mom or sister a home made gift for Christmas. Thanksgiving is around the corner,make some place mats for the table. Be proud!
For me: 1. Photography. 2.Reading. 3.Cooking.
Your identity never leaves you. No matter if its parents who try to change you. No matter if its a spouse. No matter if its friends who try to influence. Do not let anyone take that from you.
Now for me. I know lately that once I am through the rough times, I am beginning to be more myself. I am happy where I am. I worry. I live with a disorder that makes life hell but I am happy.
I am going through a divorce and I have not once shed a tear. I have not feared for my kids, I have not been upset for them...my kids are me....I am tough so are they. I am stongwilled. So are they. They know,about their father and they know things have changed. They are happy. I am proud of myself for not making my ex the enemy no matter how much hes done wrong. I am proud of myself for not harassing him for child support. I am proud that I stuck through it all to be the best mom I can be. I am proud to be me and to make the choices I know is the right ones. I listen to people but in the end I think with my own brain. Common sense.
People forget to think for themselves. They forget how to do research. They forget that times have changed but look at how things were successful back in the day. Etc. The best thing for yourself is to be educated,have common sense,to think for yourself. Do not let a doctor tell you nothing is wrong. Do not let a teacher ignore you about your child. Do not let your gut be ignored. Consider,ponder...but in the end make a decision you feel comfortable with and that is made up by you and only you.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Those moments..
You know this moments where you would like to take a wand and zap someone into your shoes and deal with your issues so they will shut up about theirs???
I wish people would accept anxiety as a disorder and that you have to work at it to ever make it. I can help. Ask me. Ask me if I know how your child or how someone you know,maybe even yourself feels and I will sympathetically look at you and understand almost 100%.
Wanted to do a update on my anxiety. Sunday I had a party to go to at my moms and my nerves were so high driving. I actually had a slight melt down. I also get angry with my anxiety and the night before I ended up slamming a dish on the floor...I know that sounds so immature but in my head that would make me feel better. The overwhelming feeling of not being in control of my nerves and thoughts were getting to me. I knew I had nothing to be afraid of or nervous about. I knew god would get me there and home but for days before the actual party; I was just a mess. I felt like I wasnt going to go. I felt like bailing. I wanted someone to drive me. Now for a mom who is with her kids about 23/6 of the time lol...I should have been ADULT TIMEEEEE!!! And part of me was. I was excited to drive alone and have my music as loud as I wanted. But that excitement never out did the nerves. My mom and Aunt actually looked at me after the party and asked if I was okay because I was starting to slightly subject myself and my body to horrible anxiety. I had a hot on fire face,a headache and my hands were shaking. They told me its time for me to leave and they gave me encouraging words as I did. Even in a blog no one will truly get that feeling. Or realize anxiety is NOT for wimps. You have to fight fight fight...
I tried so hard on the way home to relax. I won. Somewhat. I looked at the setting sun..I drove at my pace...I didn't have sweaty palms! These are accomplishments! I told my self my dear sister would be traveling 45-50mins home to my 25-30mins home.
Its nap time, I tend to clean like a maniac to keep my mind in a happy place. I like when the kids are up,feels like someone is here with me. I will be lost when they go to school but my house will be spotless from me cleaning constantly lol. I am a clean a holic anyway. =)
I wish people would accept anxiety as a disorder and that you have to work at it to ever make it. I can help. Ask me. Ask me if I know how your child or how someone you know,maybe even yourself feels and I will sympathetically look at you and understand almost 100%.
Wanted to do a update on my anxiety. Sunday I had a party to go to at my moms and my nerves were so high driving. I actually had a slight melt down. I also get angry with my anxiety and the night before I ended up slamming a dish on the floor...I know that sounds so immature but in my head that would make me feel better. The overwhelming feeling of not being in control of my nerves and thoughts were getting to me. I knew I had nothing to be afraid of or nervous about. I knew god would get me there and home but for days before the actual party; I was just a mess. I felt like I wasnt going to go. I felt like bailing. I wanted someone to drive me. Now for a mom who is with her kids about 23/6 of the time lol...I should have been ADULT TIMEEEEE!!! And part of me was. I was excited to drive alone and have my music as loud as I wanted. But that excitement never out did the nerves. My mom and Aunt actually looked at me after the party and asked if I was okay because I was starting to slightly subject myself and my body to horrible anxiety. I had a hot on fire face,a headache and my hands were shaking. They told me its time for me to leave and they gave me encouraging words as I did. Even in a blog no one will truly get that feeling. Or realize anxiety is NOT for wimps. You have to fight fight fight...
I tried so hard on the way home to relax. I won. Somewhat. I looked at the setting sun..I drove at my pace...I didn't have sweaty palms! These are accomplishments! I told my self my dear sister would be traveling 45-50mins home to my 25-30mins home.
Its nap time, I tend to clean like a maniac to keep my mind in a happy place. I like when the kids are up,feels like someone is here with me. I will be lost when they go to school but my house will be spotless from me cleaning constantly lol. I am a clean a holic anyway. =)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Thursday Quotes
Nothing
great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ralph Waldo Emerson
I
cannot give you the formula for success, but I can give
you the formula for failure--which is: Try to please
everybody.
Herbert Bayard Swope
Herbert Bayard Swope
Success
is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and
day out.
Robert Collier
Robert Collier
The
greatest mistake you can make in life is to continually
be afraid you will make one.
Elbert Hubbard
Elbert Hubbard
Disappointments
are to the soul what thunderstorms are to the air.
Johann C. F. von Schiller
Johann C. F. von Schiller
Mama Time
I talk so much about my daily life with anxiety..but I also love telling people my mama tricks.
I am a mom to a 4 yr old boy who has some speech issues but is smart as a whip and a 3 yr old girl who has an attitude like her mama....which is a very bad thing. =) They are 1 yr and 42 mins apart. They fight like nothing I have ever seen before...They torture their toys...they are outside always type kids and they are the type of kids that want to do what the adult does. Did I mention I am home alone with these two for 101/2 hrs a day? Lol. Soon I won't be and I will miss them dearly while they are at school!
So my biggest struggle is with my son. He refuses to clean up after what he messes up.
I have done a couple of things to help him understand. First thing was at Wal-mart I saw they had treasure chest like totes. As shown above. I made it a "I found the treasure now you need to earn it back". Inside is any toy he or his sister leave behind and do not clean up.
Second one is attempting to have him witness things. Like I clean up from dinner every night, Getting him to see that I am not having someone else do it but I do have some help (from my Boyfriend) and its okay to take your time as long as it gets done. I try to show what I teach. Everyone has to clean up.
Having them so close in age is a blessing in many ways but at the same time they are teaching each other and I am trying to guide and teach them both at the same time without the other interfering. My son wants my daughter to do something he knows is wrong, my daughter wants to scream like a howler monkey which leads my son to try the "No no nothing mama" when I ask them what they are up too...So then I need to stop her from acting like shes dying when shes not and him to stop cornering her and asking her to do stuff that is wrong...like taking out all my dvds from the cabinet or something.
We also have the oh so famous BLAME GAME! I'm still working on neat little mama tricks to make this come to a slight halt. I know they will do it most their life,but there should be a limit. =)
I am a mom to a 4 yr old boy who has some speech issues but is smart as a whip and a 3 yr old girl who has an attitude like her mama....which is a very bad thing. =) They are 1 yr and 42 mins apart. They fight like nothing I have ever seen before...They torture their toys...they are outside always type kids and they are the type of kids that want to do what the adult does. Did I mention I am home alone with these two for 101/2 hrs a day? Lol. Soon I won't be and I will miss them dearly while they are at school!
So my biggest struggle is with my son. He refuses to clean up after what he messes up.
Second one is attempting to have him witness things. Like I clean up from dinner every night, Getting him to see that I am not having someone else do it but I do have some help (from my Boyfriend) and its okay to take your time as long as it gets done. I try to show what I teach. Everyone has to clean up.
Having them so close in age is a blessing in many ways but at the same time they are teaching each other and I am trying to guide and teach them both at the same time without the other interfering. My son wants my daughter to do something he knows is wrong, my daughter wants to scream like a howler monkey which leads my son to try the "No no nothing mama" when I ask them what they are up too...So then I need to stop her from acting like shes dying when shes not and him to stop cornering her and asking her to do stuff that is wrong...like taking out all my dvds from the cabinet or something.
We also have the oh so famous BLAME GAME! I'm still working on neat little mama tricks to make this come to a slight halt. I know they will do it most their life,but there should be a limit. =)
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Thursday Quotes
"Positive thinking leads to positive outcomes"
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” - Milton Berle
”You must be the change you want to see in the world.” - M.K. Gandhi
”The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” - Chinese Proverb
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - Abraham Lincoln
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” - Milton Berle
”You must be the change you want to see in the world.” - M.K. Gandhi
”The man who removes a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” - Chinese Proverb
“The best way to predict the future is to create it.” - Abraham Lincoln
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain
The
best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
Robert Frost
Ducks in a row even if its crooked
Today's post I feel like hitting a few random points. I feel like just jumping here and jumping there. Hope you understand. =)
My anxiety is complex, One moment its the unknown,the second its confidence, then other moments its the creepy people that you all of a sudden ask yourself if you are going to be the next person on the 11 news as murdered... And then there's the plain nerves fried like a computer type feelings where you have no idea what happened why or how to fix the darn thing...in this case I am that thing....!
Its not all anxiety I know that. I have had some bouts with depression...not bad but they have happened. I know its the misunderstanding I deal with that sometimes just makes me not leave the house.
I love having everything figured out. All my ducks lined up and ready to go even if there is a few slightly out of place that is better then not having any in line,no idea how to get them in line or where to even start. Not knowing where to start is a feeling of failure and just utter anxiety. Utter nerves run through you because you start to question it all.
Biggest thing for me is unknown. I hate not knowing who to call in a situation or what to do...and I have definitely been sheltered. Spoiled. Lived a easy life for the most part. Anxiety has made it beyond difficult but I never went through stuff a lot of kids do or have. I never saw divorce, I never lived in city or even in town...always back road country...My parents don't swear, they never fought or if they did it wasn't a hurtful end of the world type fight...They didn't have large parties or large get together's often or at all. Family was never really all that close. I was a only child AT home. I do have a older sister. <3 We didn't go to sports games or concerts. My yard was not a spot for my dads extra cars or anything. Things were simple...too simple.
I know in my heart I always had Anxiety because I remember I needed a tutor I guess you could call it before I went into Kindergarten....I didn't need him/her....I just never was confident enough. I still to this day do not understand things well,learning is very hard for me but you cloud that with nerves and I am like a Popsicle in nice clothing....
I photograph things. Yes. I feel empowered when I am behind a camera. I feel amazing. Problem? Oh of course because thats my life. I get nervous driving so setting up photo shoots is difficult. I am nervous about making phone calls...I am nervous about a lot that is holding me back from just taking my business to the top. That kills me.
It is all so hard to explain. Its hard to put your shoes into someone else's I know that. But how can you even try if you think the stuff most people do? "Just nerves" "Its in your head" "Oh just stop" YEA okay...I'll just stop and while I do that why don't you go out and stop with your finger a big rig going 60mph...deal?
Some days its not a people day for me. My house and my animals are my life. Kids first but soon they won't be here to balance me out. School will be starting,NERVES are on fire thinking about that...
My biggest thing is watching people. I watch them do things with ease. My neighbor getting into her car and driving away. My amazing boyfriend talking to random people. My sister being beyond social. My friend going out to a restaurant alone. Those things either don't happen in my life or I don't do them with such ease as others. I can't just decide at 1pm to go visit my parents with the kids, they are 30 mins away on back roads....I have no cell phone, I think about the amount of traffic,if my truck will break down, if there will be construction..blah blah blah! I have never gone out anywhere alone...Yea.... I am working on things slowly. Like I said worst part is once I do it once....it does not get easier the 2nd time or the 3000th time....Where most people are this is routine or this was easy last time or what ever the case be. Each time for me-I am a basket case lol.
Support is a bigggg one. When I had more close friends it was so easy for me because I felt like mother hen. When I feel like that or boss or anything like that I can do a lot more then normal. Also a little key piece about me I use to weight lift and that helped my anxiety sooo much because I knew if anything went down I was gonna take charge and more then likely win! I have broken up my share of fights, I have stood up to a bipolar ex husband, I can lift heavy items like a champ...but slowly I'm loosing my touch and I know that has a lot to do with it. I know also the years I stopped driving almost to a point of not driving at all...really messed my confidence up with it.
With mental issues you need to find what helps. Its like that with most stuff in life. What helps you lose weight or what helps keep your temper in check or what helps you at work.
I have a long road. I have had a even longer road to where I am now. I have had good moments before I became a mom and realized I am the only one who can truly protect my children,so that has my anxiety right BAM there all the time. I also know I can do it and I can start my shedding light on this issue so many people deal with some on a lower level others on a higher level.
I don't take drugs, I don't do counseling. A post will be next explaining my thoughts on both topics. Its not as negative or excuse ridden as your probably expecting. =D
My anxiety is complex, One moment its the unknown,the second its confidence, then other moments its the creepy people that you all of a sudden ask yourself if you are going to be the next person on the 11 news as murdered... And then there's the plain nerves fried like a computer type feelings where you have no idea what happened why or how to fix the darn thing...in this case I am that thing....!
Its not all anxiety I know that. I have had some bouts with depression...not bad but they have happened. I know its the misunderstanding I deal with that sometimes just makes me not leave the house.
I love having everything figured out. All my ducks lined up and ready to go even if there is a few slightly out of place that is better then not having any in line,no idea how to get them in line or where to even start. Not knowing where to start is a feeling of failure and just utter anxiety. Utter nerves run through you because you start to question it all.
Biggest thing for me is unknown. I hate not knowing who to call in a situation or what to do...and I have definitely been sheltered. Spoiled. Lived a easy life for the most part. Anxiety has made it beyond difficult but I never went through stuff a lot of kids do or have. I never saw divorce, I never lived in city or even in town...always back road country...My parents don't swear, they never fought or if they did it wasn't a hurtful end of the world type fight...They didn't have large parties or large get together's often or at all. Family was never really all that close. I was a only child AT home. I do have a older sister. <3 We didn't go to sports games or concerts. My yard was not a spot for my dads extra cars or anything. Things were simple...too simple.
I know in my heart I always had Anxiety because I remember I needed a tutor I guess you could call it before I went into Kindergarten....I didn't need him/her....I just never was confident enough. I still to this day do not understand things well,learning is very hard for me but you cloud that with nerves and I am like a Popsicle in nice clothing....
I photograph things. Yes. I feel empowered when I am behind a camera. I feel amazing. Problem? Oh of course because thats my life. I get nervous driving so setting up photo shoots is difficult. I am nervous about making phone calls...I am nervous about a lot that is holding me back from just taking my business to the top. That kills me.
It is all so hard to explain. Its hard to put your shoes into someone else's I know that. But how can you even try if you think the stuff most people do? "Just nerves" "Its in your head" "Oh just stop" YEA okay...I'll just stop and while I do that why don't you go out and stop with your finger a big rig going 60mph...deal?
Some days its not a people day for me. My house and my animals are my life. Kids first but soon they won't be here to balance me out. School will be starting,NERVES are on fire thinking about that...
My biggest thing is watching people. I watch them do things with ease. My neighbor getting into her car and driving away. My amazing boyfriend talking to random people. My sister being beyond social. My friend going out to a restaurant alone. Those things either don't happen in my life or I don't do them with such ease as others. I can't just decide at 1pm to go visit my parents with the kids, they are 30 mins away on back roads....I have no cell phone, I think about the amount of traffic,if my truck will break down, if there will be construction..blah blah blah! I have never gone out anywhere alone...Yea.... I am working on things slowly. Like I said worst part is once I do it once....it does not get easier the 2nd time or the 3000th time....Where most people are this is routine or this was easy last time or what ever the case be. Each time for me-I am a basket case lol.
Support is a bigggg one. When I had more close friends it was so easy for me because I felt like mother hen. When I feel like that or boss or anything like that I can do a lot more then normal. Also a little key piece about me I use to weight lift and that helped my anxiety sooo much because I knew if anything went down I was gonna take charge and more then likely win! I have broken up my share of fights, I have stood up to a bipolar ex husband, I can lift heavy items like a champ...but slowly I'm loosing my touch and I know that has a lot to do with it. I know also the years I stopped driving almost to a point of not driving at all...really messed my confidence up with it.
With mental issues you need to find what helps. Its like that with most stuff in life. What helps you lose weight or what helps keep your temper in check or what helps you at work.
I have a long road. I have had a even longer road to where I am now. I have had good moments before I became a mom and realized I am the only one who can truly protect my children,so that has my anxiety right BAM there all the time. I also know I can do it and I can start my shedding light on this issue so many people deal with some on a lower level others on a higher level.
I don't take drugs, I don't do counseling. A post will be next explaining my thoughts on both topics. Its not as negative or excuse ridden as your probably expecting. =D
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
On overload
For most people life is life. Day to day is nothing more then a good day or a bad day.
In my head it goes deeper. I will never be that mom that slides across the floor in my socks dancing to Michael Jackson the way I want to be....Instead I'm constantly distracting myself from worries,anxiety,negative thoughts,nerves,high heart rate....
Majority of the time for people its the first step that gets their nerves a bit rattled. For me its every step.
Get your kid in pre school..after the first few days he stops crying so you stop worrying...For me its the nervousness of what the day will have in store for me...my thoughts go like this "No better pick on them" "Is there parking?" "What happens if there is no school" "I hope I packed what they need today?" and while they are there... "What time should I leave?" "Is it time yet...no ok.." "Is it time..no.." my nerves get really bad the closer it is for time to pick them up because I am nervous about parking,I am nervous about all the people,I am nervous about driving,I am nervous that my child will tell me something that another kid did to them and I will loose my mommy cool....etc etc. All that I just wrote is the basic outline of my thinking but there is more that because I am not dealing with that certain situation at the moment I can't explain everything. Its very hard to enjoy life when your constantly thinking about stuff that you have to do and how it could go wrong or how nerve wracking it is...or the negative things.. For me I also don't understand things well,I doubt myself along with it and you have someone who is like a deer in headlights sometimes. Something new is harder for me if I do not understand and if I am anxious it becomes mind blackening for me...What does that mean you are probably wondering? Mind blackening is when I know something but I forget.... Thats why a job is hard for me. I could be trained but with my anxiety my mind goes blank,I forget what I know or if I start to get it-I doubt myself so much it clouds my brain even more. I admire people who get a job that are deaf...that struggle with other types of issues because that is who I hope to be some day but when you have just anxiety you are not understood as well. Let me explain before you go thinking I want a pity party. If a person has say Down Syndrome but is working as a bagger at your local grocery store. You understand why they accidentally put your bread on the bottom of a bag or why they forgot to load in the last bag {Please remember this is a example not a put down of syndromes or of people of any type}... I look normal...I seem normal...I don't always act it. Its like a child with ADHD. They look normal but their actions do not always make sense. Not everyone can tell a child has ADHD. Same goes for me,no one will say "Ohhh she has severe anxiety and must have been over the top anxious with how fast the cashier was going and bagged the bags wrong"..... Get it?
I will slowly as best as I can explain to you everything people should know about people with Anxiety. This is my type not everyone has it severe or at all. Some people have a different type. This is my story. =)
In my head it goes deeper. I will never be that mom that slides across the floor in my socks dancing to Michael Jackson the way I want to be....Instead I'm constantly distracting myself from worries,anxiety,negative thoughts,nerves,high heart rate....
Majority of the time for people its the first step that gets their nerves a bit rattled. For me its every step.
Get your kid in pre school..after the first few days he stops crying so you stop worrying...For me its the nervousness of what the day will have in store for me...my thoughts go like this "No better pick on them" "Is there parking?" "What happens if there is no school" "I hope I packed what they need today?" and while they are there... "What time should I leave?" "Is it time yet...no ok.." "Is it time..no.." my nerves get really bad the closer it is for time to pick them up because I am nervous about parking,I am nervous about all the people,I am nervous about driving,I am nervous that my child will tell me something that another kid did to them and I will loose my mommy cool....etc etc. All that I just wrote is the basic outline of my thinking but there is more that because I am not dealing with that certain situation at the moment I can't explain everything. Its very hard to enjoy life when your constantly thinking about stuff that you have to do and how it could go wrong or how nerve wracking it is...or the negative things.. For me I also don't understand things well,I doubt myself along with it and you have someone who is like a deer in headlights sometimes. Something new is harder for me if I do not understand and if I am anxious it becomes mind blackening for me...What does that mean you are probably wondering? Mind blackening is when I know something but I forget.... Thats why a job is hard for me. I could be trained but with my anxiety my mind goes blank,I forget what I know or if I start to get it-I doubt myself so much it clouds my brain even more. I admire people who get a job that are deaf...that struggle with other types of issues because that is who I hope to be some day but when you have just anxiety you are not understood as well. Let me explain before you go thinking I want a pity party. If a person has say Down Syndrome but is working as a bagger at your local grocery store. You understand why they accidentally put your bread on the bottom of a bag or why they forgot to load in the last bag {Please remember this is a example not a put down of syndromes or of people of any type}... I look normal...I seem normal...I don't always act it. Its like a child with ADHD. They look normal but their actions do not always make sense. Not everyone can tell a child has ADHD. Same goes for me,no one will say "Ohhh she has severe anxiety and must have been over the top anxious with how fast the cashier was going and bagged the bags wrong"..... Get it?
Who I am
I am a stay at home mom of two kids who are a year and 42 mins apart to the day!
I am a die hard Steelers Fan. Football Fan all around!
I am a girlfriend to an amazing man.
I am a pet owner.
I am 20lbs overweight.
I am a book worm.
I am a Photographer.
I am a Sister.
I am a Daughter.
I am a Aunt.
I am a Niece.
I am a Pittbull owner (Shes only half but it counts!)
I am a Freebie Hunter.
I am Divorced.
I am a Cleanaholic.
I am a too honest for most people chick.
I am a cook.
I am a Chainsaw,gun,truck loving female.
I am a Ford Owner.
I am a Vermonter.
I am a Christian.
I am a Hard Worker.
I am a devoted.
I am a Child at heart.
I am a Recycle freak.
I am a Psychology loving person.
I am a hard ass.
I am Me.
I am Hillary but take on a persona to help fight my fears.
My name is Raven and I suffer from Severe Anxiety and this is my journey with it. This is my story. This is my life. This is so much more then your average blog. Learn something,Come and join while I prove the world wrong with what people think about Anxiety and what Anxiety really is about.
The nick name Raven I have had for going on 11 years. It helps me deal with so much more then people realize. As Raven I feel more powerful and when I do I can shut my anxiety down...for the most part. Sadly its never that easy but it helps and the name came from my dear friend who I miss dearly. She lives states away from me now.
I can not explain to a T what my body feels when anxiety strikes but I am dying to explain how my mind works. So many people think its a simple thing to cure and sometimes it is because there is millions of types of anxiety and some are just a shyness or nerves. Mine is a full blown anxiety. Is mine as bad as others no but in my day to day life I have met no one who has it like I do. I have met a lot of people who have said to me "I never understood anxiety" Or "I never realized how severe it is" .
I don't get disability,I don't live off the state so I am not out for a pity party.
For so many years though my anxiety has put a damper on my relationships with people...it has put a damper on me finding me.
Hopefully with this blog that will end.
I am a die hard Steelers Fan. Football Fan all around!
I am a girlfriend to an amazing man.
I am a pet owner.
I am 20lbs overweight.
I am a book worm.
I am a Photographer.
I am a Sister.
I am a Daughter.
I am a Aunt.
I am a Niece.
I am a Pittbull owner (Shes only half but it counts!)
I am a Freebie Hunter.
I am Divorced.
I am a Cleanaholic.
I am a too honest for most people chick.
I am a cook.
I am a Chainsaw,gun,truck loving female.
I am a Ford Owner.
I am a Vermonter.
I am a Christian.
I am a Hard Worker.
I am a devoted.
I am a Child at heart.
I am a Recycle freak.
I am a Psychology loving person.
I am a hard ass.
I am Me.
I am Hillary but take on a persona to help fight my fears.
My name is Raven and I suffer from Severe Anxiety and this is my journey with it. This is my story. This is my life. This is so much more then your average blog. Learn something,Come and join while I prove the world wrong with what people think about Anxiety and what Anxiety really is about.
The nick name Raven I have had for going on 11 years. It helps me deal with so much more then people realize. As Raven I feel more powerful and when I do I can shut my anxiety down...for the most part. Sadly its never that easy but it helps and the name came from my dear friend who I miss dearly. She lives states away from me now.
I can not explain to a T what my body feels when anxiety strikes but I am dying to explain how my mind works. So many people think its a simple thing to cure and sometimes it is because there is millions of types of anxiety and some are just a shyness or nerves. Mine is a full blown anxiety. Is mine as bad as others no but in my day to day life I have met no one who has it like I do. I have met a lot of people who have said to me "I never understood anxiety" Or "I never realized how severe it is" .
I don't get disability,I don't live off the state so I am not out for a pity party.
For so many years though my anxiety has put a damper on my relationships with people...it has put a damper on me finding me.
Hopefully with this blog that will end.
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